Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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