i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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