One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
