I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
