she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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