problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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