i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
