it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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