So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
