hell yes lets make some ravioli
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
jump out the window naked night went bad
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