Someone shit on the floor
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
