she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
