doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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