"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
