I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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