I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You pole danced in your parka.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
