alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
