Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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