How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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