I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
