We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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