Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
