He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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