I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
