Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
