i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
