i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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