After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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