to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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