break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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