after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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