mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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