The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
