It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
