Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
