Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
