I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
