My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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