Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
