you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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