i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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