Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
