And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
