I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
