I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want nice things and good sex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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