I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
