I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
