life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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