I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
they need to just BURY HIM!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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