just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
