When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
